It was a beautiful weekend, for most of us, because it was the moment that wonderful change happened, and Summer, god bless it, rocked up on our door. Which was perfect, really, because if you're going to pull up a couch and watch Australian Idol or, heaven forbid, Dancing With The Stars (more on that, later), well, let's just agree that a "vacuous" state of mind is best. Or not, of course - because we all know that the irony with reality television is that if you're not thinking - like you're supposed to be - then these contrived, exploitative productions get to weave their magic spells on you - and their advertising deals - without you giving them much resistance. It was a double-edged sword for me, last night, and I feel satisfied I approached my plasma as a willing participant, but as a suspicious one, nonetheless. I expected to either be outraged by an atrocity or thrilled by a piece of Summer trash. Both, ultimately, were futile expectations that gave the experience far too much credit, either way. Some of it was mildly entertaining; some of it was mildly offensive. The common denominator, here, is the adjective, 'mild'. That's not a good thing.

 

The first thing I want to make clear in my distinction of criticism for the new Idol is that many who today are turning up their noses at the current class of 2008 have perhaps misinterpreted what the problem is. All day, I heard the remark that this year's contestants were a new low for the show - pretty much what we hear, every year, as the contest, running dry on talent, does the best with what it has left. I've long noted the decline; but, in all fairness, I don't think this bunch are particularly any worse than what we were given, last year. I think that it's wise to remember that we are watching a format that is, by now, old hat - as I said in my initial article, the show has been compromised by its inability (and conscious decision, mind you) not to refresh what is, seven years in, getting rather stale. There's not much rebranding - and this will continue to be the problem, I suspect, for the latest Idol. I didn't change my opinion, after watching last night's show, let's put it that way. Idol did indeed feel stale; the wind far too familiar to fill those sails with any real excitement or atmosphere. It's not that we haven't seen contestants this bad, before - it's actually that we've just seen this, so very many times before. They come across as lifeless, predictable and disengaging, because of this. Still, I wouldn't say the talent has taken too great a dive.

However, what it is missing, on the broader commercial level, is a couple of real standout public bonanzas for the series. The Corbys, the Geyers, the Calleas - they may only fill up a couple of places in each run, but they play a vital role in enthralling the larger public's rather fickle attention. In this way, yes, there is a difference (in the negative) for this year's class. "Kaching", Mark Holden used to grin. But there's not much kaching in this one. The little girls will all go wild for Tom's dimple-enhanced smile - but little Tom, lovely as he no doubt is, is no musical prodigy - considering he's the same age as Corby, the difference is vivid. And as much as I hate to say it, nobody has the pin-up looks of Geyer. This doesn't affect my personal enjoyment of the show (I'm quite against the construction of music stars based on good looks) - but I'm hardly the "everyman" a show like this endeavours to seduce. At the end of the day, I will cringe, whenever little Tom walks on the stage, in the same manner in which I cringed, every time Geyer hit the floor (or backflipped across it). The teenage girls will scream. But even teenage girls - though the emphasis of discussion inevitably winds up on them, most seasons - are not enough, and do not secure a show's place in a network's programming (just as the bogan BB diehards were not enough to secure Big Brother's future). I'm cringing, they're screaming - but there's a distinct absence of a public showstopper for the (larger) remainder of the audience. Again, however, I'd propose that around this absence is nothing either worse or better, in terms of comparing the class of 2008 to previous batches.

As for the show that houses the performances of these youngsters, with the exception of the Monday elimination format (which we'll discuss, in a minute), the whole affair was almost unbearably familiar. So much so, that many of the "issues" and points on the production techniques and hypocrisies of Idol no longer warrant me mentioning them - I have mentioned them, repeatedly, for three years! I'll spare the regulars of this site the rehash. The ridiculous lack of continuity in the judges' comments ("Just stand and sing" they tell one; "You've got to move around", they tell another - or even the same contestant) has always been and always will - let's just note it and move on, shall we? It aint going anywhere, let's face it. Never mind that the lead-up publicity tried to make it very clear that the judges were now to be a lesser element of the show; this was really the only major rebranding hinted at, but even this has turned out to be another hollow promise of reality TV advertising. Feel free to write in and bring my attention to the difference in the role of the judges, but I just don't see it.

Not helping the sameness of the experience are the elements that, instead of feeling different, come off as simply watered down. The chemistry of James and Andrew - one factor I have always firmly liked about Idol - is now completely compromised by the shocking idea of bringing Ricki Lee on board. A quick glance through the forum boards of both the official and alternative sites show that this has been pretty much panned, even from some of the diehard teenyboppers you'd expect may take to Lee's inclusion. Whatever the conceptual pull around Lee - however good it must have looked on paper, in that boardroom - you can't make a budgie a parakeet, and Lee is well and truly in budgie territory. She's awful: her stiff reading of the script, her lack of charisma, her awkward physical presence, and that annoying way she kills every dialogue with a close-ended statement about herself (leaving the performer she's interviewing basically no option for response, hence killing the moment) - she drains every second she's on that screen, dragging down the energy of the entire show. And her inclusion is running off what? One crappy pop single that held everyone's attention for all of five minutes? Bad move, Idol.

And what none of this manages to achieve is the solution to the axing of Mark Holden: something that increasingly looks like the stupid idea this turns out it was. Love him or hate him, the show is missing a major, major character; but there's nothing to make up for this. Someone seriously needs to have a good look into why Kyle Sandilands is being so obviously favoured by his good mates with power positions, because don't look now, Ten, but he's killing all your biggest shows. They were smart enough to acknowledge that the absence of Dicko was a problem, but they solved this badly, last year, by simply adding him to the existing trio. This should have been the moment where someone caught on to what the real problem was with this trio - Sandilands - but love is blind, perhaps, because it was at this point where the bizarre decision was made to expel Holden. Never mind that Sandilands proved himself to be an atrocious talent, when he happily attacked Big Brother when it failed (telling the nation that it was an awful show that he never wanted to do it in the first place); he lives on - why, nobody can really be sure.

So, what happened to the once so bankable Kyle Sandilands? Over the past year and a half, the steam has started to recede into nothing but the occasional puff of predictable hot air. Denton began this downfall, and it has continued, as Sandilands desperately tries to solve an image riddle that has, truth be told, no viable solution. Sandilands - no doubt, mind you, for no other reason than his mammoth, destructive ego - appears to be quite miffed about the hatred so many have for him. All very well, but it is for the same reasons that so many hate the man, that he was initially propelled to such heights by those who adore "tell it like it is" Kyle. Talk about branding - either you're one or the other.

 

Kyle, however, has become a strange tug-o-war between two extremes. On the one hand, he is now trying to convince TV Land that he is, in fact, a really nice guy. We saw this, throughout Big Brother, when the antics he was presumably hired for failed to materialise. Last night, he was again making a decidedly obvious effort to recast his persona - the former hypocrite who so viciously attacked young women who were not thin enough, now going out of his way to be some kind of symbol for the "big is beautiful" mantra (also the name of a Mika hit that has high rotation on 2Day FM). And the tragedy is, I much prefer the messages of the all-new Kyle - give me someone who puts forward that big women are beautiful, any day, over his more infamous performances - but the commercial reality is that this version of Kyle Sandilands doesn't sell. And it certainly doesn't sell, while he's still holding the throne at 2Day FM, where he's being pretty much the same Kyle Sandilands we all know and loathe. He found himself in hot water, again, this week, with a much publicised on-air spat with Ernie Dingo (Ernie, quite rightly, telling Kyle he's nothing more than a "commercial wanker"). This could have been a publicity coup for Idol, but on Sunday's show, Sandilands was trying very hard to be anything but a commercial wanker - again, he splinters the image, and fails to deliver as one, fluid brand. It doesn't work. It certainly doesn't work on a panel now missing one of the show's most famous characters. It was embarrassing - for all involved - to witness, last night, the show's most enduring moment (enduring for all the wrong reasons), when Sandilands suddenly took it upon himself to replicate Holden's idiosyncratic "Touchdown". A symbol of Idol 2008, perhaps? The show that, instead of constructing a fresh production, is left grabbing at what it is now missing, trying to convince us this is all as wonderful as the good old days? It's not. Holden is gone. A confused, struggling Sandilands stays. Stupid, stupid move.

There is, of course, one major change - the only one that is not the result of staff reshuffling - and that is the new Monday night elimination procedure. I'm going to give props to this, actually; it made last night's elimination show much more engaging. Usually, the stretching out of the elimination process over the half hour is a tiresome affair - filled with cross-promotions that do nothing but prolong what we've rocked up to see. It was almost surreal to see the show begin with a rushed announcement of the bottom three - when was the last time you saw a reality TV show make an announcement in such a to-the-point manner? No "we'll find out after the break", no long suspenseful pauses - it was refreshingly quick! It then allowed the show to generate much more suspense, in the build up to the final announcement, than it could with the previous system (although, I did take a break, half way through, and make sure I rocked back up to the plasma in time for the actual elimination - but that had more to do with being asked to endure Jordin Sparks). Still, that said, this change is not without setbacks, and many fans have been rightly annoyed by what lies at the heart of this move: a chance to grab more voting dollars. I'm never one to agree with this, and will not do so, here. But, it has resulted in a better elimination show, so... the obvious solution? Don't vote! Just enjoy the better format for the Monday shows, without buying in (literally) to what's also so wrong about them.

As for the subjectivity of my favourite singers (I will, it goes without saying, not spend a single penny on keeping any of them in there), well, you're pushing it, there, I must admit. I can't say I'm into any of them in too big a way. But, that said, I've never engaged Idol in such a way (except for the year I cheered Chanel on - to little avail). For what it's worth, I still like Madam Parker - although, aside from the fabulous name, this affection looks like being stretched with what's probably going to be a string of R&B performances (ugh). Same goes with Sophie, who has my attention as the "quirky' one, but isn't exactly living up to her end of that bargain, by singing songs as boring as "Mr Jones". That's it, really. The rest range from mediocrity pretending to be undiscovered greatness (some people are "undiscovered", just because they're... well.... too mediocre to be found), P&O gone mainstream (which managed to take the crown, last year, mind you) and, yes, the increasing presence of the kids who should probably be on a playground, where they belong, instead of the stages of Australian Idol. One of these is Chryslayn Hamilton, who Dicko used as a response to the show's detractors, to prove that there's no problem in putting 16 year olds in the competition (a scripted moment that would have happened, with or without a good performance). All very well, but considering the show wasted no time in highlighting her weight as an issue, we'll see what this experience turns out to be for a young girl who, however "mature", may have a hard time being in a spotlight of such a size, while the nation focuses on whether she's too fat. One week in, it's all sparkle and glitter, for now. That does, of course, have a habit of changing. Just ask Casey Donovan.

I'm sure there will be more to discuss, over the coming weeks (we'll certainly be having more chats about Chrysalyn - just a hunch I'm having), as the show goes on and the million dollar question is inevitably answered. Except, of course, this year's million dollar question isn't really who will win. It's if the show, itself, will. In what is, perhaps, a direly telling way, this holds more suspense than the cheap Dream™ offered to 12 naive youngsters. When Sunday's ratings were released, it would have done nothing for the anxiety levels of its executive producers (who no doubt feel a distinct shiver run down their spine, whenever anyone says the words, "Big Brother"). They weren't awfull, no - but the show was comfortably beaten by not only 60 Minutes, but by ABC's Doctor Who, and failed to smash Dancing With The Stars out of the park. Poor Johnny no doubt woke up, this morning, feeling a little worse for wear. In a couple of months, however, he may yet have his revenge.