Well, that's it, Idol fans. No more touchdowns. Apparently, the Ten network thinks it will be "re-invigorating" for the Idol format, if one of its core elements - responsible for so much of the show's idiosyncratic catch-phrases and cheesy cliches - is gone from the phenomenon. What morons. While Kyle Sandilands' injection into the tiring Big Brother farce is, I must admit (as awful as you and I know it's going to be), a clever move that I, for one, am suspecting may work; the removal of Holden is surely a faux-pas that anyone with half a brain can see the problem of. I'm so glad that I'm about to begin a new online adventure into a genre so clearly reaching the end of its run! 

 

Last year, Idol ratings plummeted, after the series enjoyed a reasonable revival in 2006 (the public taking to its mix of the cheese of shallow heart-throb, Dean Geyer, beside the quirky alternative image of Bobby Flynn). In 2007, the much-hyped return of post-alcoholism-doco-Dicko (his career only a fraction of the size of the man, himself), seemingly did very little. Kyle - and, I suppose, this is the only logical chink in the BB plans - didn't seem to hold his own, either. Considering Dicko was, last we heard, heading to the US (where he had already bagged the Australian series that paid his mortgage for the past five years), and that Kyle is joining his side-kick, Jackie, for the tenuous future of Big Brother, you'd presume it would be one of these two who would be shoved, in an effort to bring the judges back to the magic number, trois. Better still, let's shaft Marcia (but, in all fairness, the show needs that female element, there). However, the press has revealed that it will be Mark Holden who steps down for the sake of Ten's desperate bid to save what may now be a sinking ship. 

 

Of course, initial reports suggest this is the work of Ten and Freemantle Media (the production company responsible for Idol), The Telegraph even sourcing some "insiders" (oh, it must be legitimate, then) who claim that the producers had decided Holden was the "obvious choice" to address the problem of having one too many judges (even if this is the case, me thinks it's a little deeper than the problem of four judges - but never underestimate the convenient delusions of TV execs saving their own asses). I'm not a fan of Holden - I'm not a fan of Idol - but to be fair, Holden does at least present some semblance of musicality. Sure, he was ultimately a puppet who was responsible for so much of the crap we've seen on our screens, over the years; but it's not like they're replacing him with anyone decent (like, say, a current figure of "real" musical appreciation) - it's just going to be the same formula, minus Holden. So, what's left? A has-been disco diva, a fat, alcoholic ex record exec, and a nasty, white-trash radio jockey. The show is a joke, anyway; but it certainly isn't about to be taken any more seriously than it already isn't, that's for sure. And Idol without touchdowns? One and one make two, don't they?

 

This is why I am personally inclined to believe that there's a little more than meets the eye, with this one. I really can't see how the producers would seriously think ditching Holden is what's going to revive the show and save their jobs. If it is the case, then can somebody at Ten please give me hundreds of thousands of dollars, instead of the hacks you're currently giving it to?

 

Ten, of course, after the announcement began some predictably negative press, "set the record straight", and declared that it was all Holden's own doing; "Mark Holden today announced his decision to leave the judging panel of Australian Idol after discussions this week highlighted his desire to focus on acting, radio and documentary production. Network Ten agreed to release Mark from his judging duties only after an agreement to remain with the network was reached." 

 

Soon after, Holden announced that he had made the decision to focus on "acting, radio and documentary production" (curiously, everything but music, it would seem). I think we're all savy enough, here, to know that any presented "story", regardless of where it sits on the "did he or didn't he?" scale, is going to be incomplete. I'm sure there's a little more to it - a lot more, in fact - than whether Holden quit for greener pastures, or whether the show decided it would be better off without him. However, we're not going to have that clarified. Well, not yet, at least. Perhaps, we'll have to wait until the inevitable tell-all Denton interview, to find out what, exactly, that is.  

 

Eyedol readers will forever remember Holden as the man who opened the 2006 series off with the sound of cash registers; "Kaching... Kaching... Kaching!" And 2007 fans will no doubt recall his part in the downfall of Matt Corby, and the unforgettable wrath elicited from berated performer, Tarasai (a brutal and clever piece of reality TV manipulation for ratings-grabbing sensationalism). But, for me, 2007 was also the moment when he accused Dicko (quite rightly, mind you) of being a desperate celebrity who would "forget" Australian Idol and stab the show in the back, yet again, the minute he found something better to do. Oh, the power of hindsight. Did the pot call the kettle black, perhaps?

 

Whatever the case, Mr Holden, you have always made sure Pop Psychology For Beautiful People was never short of a good old rant about pop culture TV. And for that, in a bizarre way, we salute you. It was gooby gooby goo, that's for sure. In fact, it was gooby goo go, to the max. Some of it was... well... pretty repulsive. But The Machine™ will be a little less fluorescent for not having you in it.