Hi Jenny,

 

Yes, I've discussed that, long ago, but it's probably an apt time to mention it again. It's truly one of the killer lines that we hear, time and time again, from Big Brother housemates and hopefuls, and it's actually really important to understanding part of the mentality of the phenomenon. It says something just as vivid - more, in fact - as the people who "come out" on the show.

 

What's so very saddening about this mindset, is that it shows just how little sense of self young people have, today - and, more to the point, how "who we are" depends on external factors, and others' opinions. It's like saying, "I need you to to tell who I am", but on one of the grandest scales possible. For those familiar with psychology or philosophy, it's one big existential tragedy!

 

And so, they are drawn to a format that entirely centres around others' perceptions of you. And I think, if youdig a little deeper, what really lies behind that is often more than just a general need to be told "who they are"; I think it's more to do with needing love and affirmation. What you really "win", on Big Brother, is public acceptance - you win the nation validating you by deciding you are the best person out of everyone there. If you're someone who craves the acceptance - which generally means you've been rejected, somehow, in your life (which kickstarts an unhealthy obsession with obtaining this) - it's an attractive proposition to win that game. It's actually a more powerful motivation than the money, and the suspicion of people's intentions, regarding the financial aspect, is one of the things I actually don't buy into, because I think ultimately most of them are driven by that affirmation. And that's what fame "is", anyway, and why people desire it. It's not about the money, it's about being known and loved. 

 

What has always troubled me, then, is that the exact kind of person I think should go on the show, is the antithesis to the kind of person who does go on it. Of course, it doesn't apply to all of them, and certainly some of the boys (though still drawn to the affirmation) have their origins for the fame-lust in a more standard, egocentric dynamic, but we've certainly seen an awful lot of young women, over the years, who should clearly be resolving their issues, elsewhere. TJ comes to mind (an abandoned daughter), and, of course, Camilla. And what's so horribly wrong for these people is that the stakes are so very high, and the flipside to getting that affirmation is something quite different and, if you're this kind of individual, quite brutal. It's a horrible irony - the very thing that lures them, is the nature of the blow they eventually receive. That means you can leave having that side of you made all the worse, because if you're the kind of person who has internalised rejection to the point of going on Big Brother to "find who I am", imagine who they leave, thinking they are, after they are rejected on a national scale. Ocassionally, we find someone take the crisis on, and actually use it - why I was so drawn to the story of Camilla (who found herself cornered by the group), who did, at least, begin to recognise the problem, and endeavour to resolve it as part of her "journey". But that's very rare, and there's much better ways of reaching that point in your life, of course. And Camilla was nowhere near as damaged as some of those housemates.

 

I feel for them, every time, I must say - that was partly the shiver that ran down my spine when I saw some of the videos, like Peta. I know a lot of people misunderstand my position, and think I'm kinda cruel, but if you have compassion for the human condition, being able to observe it isn't necessarily negative, so long as you don't attach a negative value to it. So, I sit there, every year, thinking, "No, what are you doing?!" And even those poor girls who are overly sexualised - I feel for them, too, because that sexualisation is a product of their society, and yet, in the end, they're often stoned for being the whore (even though that is what is put on them - it's the male gaze who fashions them, and then the men who reject them for appeasing it... horrible stuff). Giana springs to mind, there, of course. The men who taunted her, went on to win. She was crucified, and then spread across the pages of soft porn magazines. I wonder what her sense of self was like, after that?

 

So, the next time someone says to you, "I'd like to go on Big Brother, and learn more about myself", be afraid. Be very afraid. And give them my email.

 

Cheers,

Aaron