In the credits of Ten’s (other) new reality stinker, The Steph Show (following Neighbours star, Stephanie Mcintosh, as she unleashes probably the most boring album ever made), our latest neighbour-come-popstar is credited as “our heroine”. If you took the “e” off the end of that title, you’d probably be closer to the truth. Whilst experiencing The Steph Show, I entered a state absolutely void of emotion and reaction. Shortly after, I felt nauseas.

I felt nothing watching Steph show us the ring her footy boyfriend bought her for her birthday. “Isn’t it cool?”

I felt nothing, while watching her say, “this is the really cool hotel I’m staying in”, and then, “This the hotel I’m staying in, it’s really cool”, and then, “This is the hotel I stayed in, while in Sydney.”

Was it really cool?

I did feel something, when on the way to the airport (Steph has, like, the coolest jethopping life – between Sydney and Melbourne), she realised she’d forgotten something, like, really, really important (her charisma?).

“Oh, where can I stop off and buy DVDs? I need to buy… um… the box set of OC, and… um… Sex and the City.”

I felt, for a brief moment, like I’d rather be watching either – regardless of how much I despise both.

Of course, everywhere Steph goes, her song comes on the radio – as if by magic. And in one of the many, many dull as dishwater segments of Steph in the recording studio, I at least felt something bordering on amusement (in an ironic sort of a way), when Steph sat around looking really, really bummed out, because, like, she “didn’t nail the verses”.

But she was happy with the chorus. She knows when she’s nailing it because (wait for this) “I feel the rush, you know?”

But the record producer, who admittedly achieved a state of semi-realness to his poses that no other cast member could apparently muster, consoled her with his professional wisdom.

“Even when it’s done and on the radio, you’ll still think it isn’t perfect.” Did they edit out the laugh he must have surely broke out in, after that line? “It’s the curse of talent,” he concludes.

Ah, the cruel curse of talent. Steph sighs, and nods knowingly. It’s hard being cursed with the talent of Steph.

The show is, naturally, followed by the cross-promotion bedfellow, Neighbours. Right before our eyes, Steph turns into Sky, and we find ourselves in the realm of the soapie, with lines like, “Hello!? As if I would complain to the council about your stupid motorbike. I have more important things to worry about, like my brother trying to kill my father.”

It’s actually a preferable kind of reality.