I haven’t watched a single episode of It Takes Two. Not one minute. Unlike the Ten brand of “reality” (cruel exploitation of insecure youth, wannabe popstars, or obesity), I can muster nothing but indifference to the more recent so-called “reality” of inane competitions to boost the profiles of D grade celebrities and has -beens. I don’t want to watch them dancing, or ice-skating, or, as in the case of It Takes Two, singing.

But at least It Takes Two produced a moment of honesty from one of the finalists for this Sunday’s showdown.

Erika Heynatz today told reporters that the on-screen battle and bitching that has glued midle-aged suburbia to the screen in recent weeks, is… well… not real.

"In terms of the drama of the music and where they position us and how they package us, that (discord) is necessary because otherwise people don't think there is something to be won at the end of it," she revealed.

We can safely presume that It Takes Two’s P.R department promptly ordered enough gaffa tape to silence their star, until this weekend’s “battle” had come to a close.

Of course, reality TV is a format far too guilty of using public hatred to sell phone votes. Nothing quite motivates us, it would seem, than the fierce dual between the figure we vicariously exist through, and the vicarious enemy we fight. In 2006, love alone is just not enough. Henatz knows this. “Otherwise, there’s too much love,” she conceded.

 

No, we wouldn’t want too much love on our screens - that would be ever so dull.
And while the truth syrum kicked in, what did Heynatz see her chances as being?

“I would advise people to spend their money on something else.”

Thanks, Erika. We’ll take your advice.

Ironically, there was a real battle heating up today, for everybody’s least favourite but apparently compelling Idol judge, Kyle Sandilands. He was yesterday taken off air (don't get your hopes up - he's back, already), after blasting Sydney Confidential’s Fiona Connoly, for being “fat” and a “liar” (all on live radio). Has anybody ever told Kyle Sandilands how thin he isn't? He also threatened to hire a private eye, film her family members engaging in shameful acts, and then post it on a website.

Charming. Not that we can excuse the dirt of Sydney Confidential. Sometimes, you have to wonder where to draw the battle lines, when the trash go after the trash.

Kyle, of course, is the decidedly nasty king of the dirt. A personality based on the very same mentality that seems to have completely usurped the marketing agendas of commercial TV and media (because harmony is so last century), Kyle is famous for dishing it. As a replacement of Idol’s former “nasty” boy, Dicko, Kyle made the tough record executive look like a Playschool co-host, as he tore through the hopeful youngsters and gave the Ten network the kind of controversy they love (because getting our attention with quality programming is, let’s face it, not an avenue Ten has the option to take). Most notably, he told the inevitable winner of the 2005 Idol series that she could never sell a record wearing a sleeveless dress, because she had "tuckshop lady arms".

 

But Kyle can’t take the dirt, back. No, no – in fact, he set a disturbing precedent in media and journalism, and furthermore, displayed a moral-free arrogance (of course, most of the people Kyle tears to pieces could never afford legal action),  by having the hide to sue Today Tonight for having the hide to suggest he used his platform as the nation’s biggest radio jockey to push the sales of his girlfriend’s single (of which he was a financial investor). A cruel host of a reality TV show actually sued somebody for defamation. Grasp the irony of that for a second, won't you?

 

Personally, considering Confidential sticks the knife in celebrities (as opposed to Sandilands, who happily attacks everyday people on national TV and radio, and who cannot afford a lawyer), I’m backing Fiona.

Now, where do I SMS my vote to?